so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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