So drunk its hurt
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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