I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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