someone threw a dead crab at me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize