the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
