im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
