I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
