she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
