Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize