Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
