My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
