Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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