is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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