I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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