Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
