If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
