i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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