After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
