I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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