brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
