You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
