If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
