Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
