So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize