I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
