please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
