When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
