My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
