Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I never want to see another naked old woman again.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

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(616): View more from Michigan

I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked

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(+49): View more from Germany

Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays

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(858): View more from California

Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.

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(216): View more from Ohio

just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.

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(813): View more from Florida

You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.

(1-813): View more from Florida

There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.

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(407): View more from Florida

Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.

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