I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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