i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My balls are so social today.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
