Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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