The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
