its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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