but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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