I CAN MOONWALK!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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