I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
