There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
