I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
