the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize