just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
