Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize