This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
