She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
