Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize