Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
