mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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