My room smells like vodka and shame
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize