I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Everclear isn't food dammit
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
