The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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