So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think my vagina is haunted
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
