remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
