Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize