Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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