I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
