I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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