Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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