When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
