Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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