The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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