she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
