Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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