I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
