Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
