So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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