we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
