Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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