Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
