Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
