the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
