So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
