Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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