I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
