He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
