I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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