the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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