took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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