Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
