Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
