O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
