you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
