he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize