I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize