And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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