why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
