I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
