In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
