He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
