I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
