Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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