then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize