i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
