Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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