i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
