I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize