I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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