He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
