So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My penis needs a shock collar
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
